Good evening, and welcome to this blog from the past that posted from slightly less in the past than the time you are reading this – which at the time of writing this sentence is technically the future.
Confused? Good.
I wrote this a long time ago, and now you are reading it.
Simples.
Specialist Gentleman’s Salon…..and Add-on For Scales.
Today, I made another purchase in the Category “well, I never thought I’d need one of these again”. Now before you start, it was none of the following:
A plastic, wipe clean cover for my bed sheet.
Safety scissors.
Training pants.
Stabilisers for my bike.
The item I purchased today was in fact a comb. An item I last purchased over 20 years ago. I bought one today not for my head, but for my beard which is still irritating me somewhat.
This comb is the second hitherto forgotten product I have bought to aid my painful beard, the first being shampoo. I made this purchase on the advice of a fellow beard wearer who suggested that combing my facial fuzz might alleviate some of the irritation.
I must admit that I had my doubts about the whole shampoo and comb thing – but it does seem to be working. What worries me is that my friend might take advantage of my beard naivety, and convince me that other hair products and gizmos would enhance my beard experience. Will I end up with tubs of gel, various dyes, and mini curlers and straighteners? I hope not. I don’t want to think that I have to spend hours carefully washing, conditioning, and then styling my beard just to stop it itching.
All this beard management talk got me thinking: are there specialist men’s hair salons just for beards, or are they still under the jurisdictional control of men’s hairdressers?
If there are specialist salons, are the chairs designed to lean right back so you are upside down, and then are raised up to a manageable working height for the stylist? Instead of tilting your head back to get it washed, do you just dip your chin in a large bowl?
And if there are not specialist salons for beards but only male hairdressers that “do” beards, does that mean that all styling of all hair would be covered by these male hairdressers?
Could you go in and have highlights put in your armpit hair? Could you have tram lines shaved into your chest hair? Would they give you dreadlocks, “down there”? You don’t know, they might be obliged to entertain any hair related styling request, under the hairdressers code. Who is to say that you couldn’t go in and ask for Brad Pitt’s hairstyle round your man parts?
Next time you are in the barbers, ask.
You know bathroom scales? Why can’t they, as well as having the weight measurement on them, also have clothes sizing on them? That way, when you weigh yourself you can see what size of clothes you should be wearing. This would eradicate inappropriate outfit choice overnight. The “muffin top” would be no more!
Plus it would be an additional motivation tool: if you could see what weight you had to be to be a dress size smaller, that would give you additional incentive, no?
I think it would work.
W Is For Duck 