Good evening, and welcome to this week’s Friday Poem.
My little girl is unwell in hospital, and is having a really rough time. My fiancée is with her, and it’s hard for her to see our baby suffer. It’s hard for me being at home – I visit, but I worry about them both, and I just want our little one home.
If all of that wasn’t enough, last week my future Mother-In-Law got bitten by a bat.
It’s true what they say: if it’s not one thing, it’s your mother!
So, because the best way for me to combat my stress and worry is to laugh and see the lighter side of things, I have written the following poem about my Mother-In-Law’s adventure with a creature of the night.
I hope you like it.
Me Mother-In-Law was bit by a bat;
No – I couldn’t believe it either.
I was visiting my daughter in hospital when they told me
So I popped down to A&E just to see her.
At first when I entered the waiting room
I couldn’t see her in any of the chairs.
Then my eyesight was drawn to the ceiling
Following the line of all the other patient’s stares.
There she was, hanging upside-down from a strip light;
With her knickers on display to the place.
Well, I assumed that it was my Mother-In-Law
‘Cos her skirt was now covering her face.
God only knows how she got up there,
But we fetched her down so as not to offend.
And sure enough, it was my wife’s mother
(who I’ll now recognise from both ends)
I asked her what the hell she was doing,
And how the devil she got bit by a bat.
She said it happened in doing a good deed
By rescuing the thing from her cat.
She went on to say she saw it last evening
Sat quite calmly in front of the TV
With the cat close by in attendance
Watching “Cash in the Attic” it seems.
While she spoke, she showed very weird behaviour
She was fixated by a fly on the wall
Her head twitched and jerked rather oddly
And she wasn’t herself – not at all.
Expanding her tale, she continued
Telling how she feared for the little’s bats life.
So she wrapped it up carefully in a tea-towel
To release it back into the night.
Wrapped up, she moved gently but quickly
So that the trauma to the bat wouldn’t linger
But the bat couldn’t tell her intentions
And as released, bit her right on the finger.
Understandably this caused her some discomfort,
And although curses she does not usually utter
Her neighbours noted hearing in the darkness that night
Someone clearly saying “OW! You fucker!”
After not too long, she was seen by the doctor
Who thankfully said Rabies was ruled out.
However her hearing aid batteries had packed in by now
So several times the Doc had to shout.
It’s been three weeks now since she was bitten
She’s recovered well, I’m pleased to report.
But some aspects of her behaviour still concern me
Like her sleeping hanging down in her porch.
She’s been seen less often in the daytime
But has been flitting here and there in the night.
Being deaf, she doesn’t have much sonar
So she relies much more heavily on sight.
In the darkness of course this is a problem;
Her eyesight is 78 don’t you know.
She gave me a heart attack last Thursday night
When she smacked into my living room window.
But I guess we should be grateful for small mercies
We’ll get used to her as time goes by.
And having some bat traits are an advantage –
She keeps down the moth numbers at night!!